Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Brown Toad Incident

How much did this apartment cost, you think?
Probably around 1.5 mil.
Behind my drunk friends and their associates I could see the lights of Los Angeles twinkling through the smart apartment's windowpanes.Earlier today we had an unfortunate accident involving a roller coaster at one of the nearby amusement parks. Our black friend had tried to sabotage the trip by killing himself, somehow jettisoning is body from the coaster at a moment of high negative g. Thankfully he had landed more-or-less safely in a gigantic tar-pit, and had regretted his earlier decision--deciding not to finish the job yet in some lunatic manner.

These lights are quite beautiful. My friend was playing an arcade game the owner of the apartment had resting near the exit to the scenic deck and patio. In the game he was flying some kind of harrier jet, shooting and circle-strafing a stationary target.

Suddenly metal grating and steel doors shut all the windows and porticoes. We were stuck here. The apartment owner returned with a large aquamarine cage. The water inside the cage was dark and clouded ruddy brown. He crashed the cage on the floor and 6 or seven brown toads jumped on one of my friends and promptly tore his face off and started opening his thorax and underbelly to chew on the meat there. I ran into the kitchen to grab a knife, couldn't find one--but found a bag of bread which had a skull and cross-bones sticker attached to it. I threw a slice of this bread at one of the approaching toads and it ate it. The toad suddenly crouched, the way toads usually do, its cheeks cascading up and down; then it just froze, its breathing stopped and it was like a little toad statue. I threw slices of the bread just outside the kitchen door into the great room where I could hear hops coming after me. I told my friend and girlfriend to escape out the laundry hatch behind me. As they did so my friend let out a yelp. I looked back and his arm was deep into the gaping mouth of a large brown toad. Could this be the mother? Trying to move away my friend escaped minus his forearm, which the mother toad kept. I threw this mother toad the rest of the bread, as I undid my belt and tied off my friend's arm to prevent huge blood-loss. Behind the new brown toad mother statue, was a strange cave tunnel; not a laundry chute. The tunnel appeared to have multiple veins as we all crawled through, parallel-laterally we heard ruckus in the kitchen behind us. Was it the toads or the owner? As we approached the caves exit I saw a row of toads to my left. The sides of their body made for the texture of the cave-wall. Were the petrified or simply hibernating?

As I got up from my forced crouching position and ran out the exit of the tunnel, the owner stabbed me in the chest with a knife. Wrenching the knife from my bleeding chest I threw it directly into his eye.

As I lay dying, I dreamed of an airport with a nice Mexican bar. The drinks are half off today. What a nice place to get drunk and forget your flight!

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